i'll tell you

You want to know what my deal is?  What exactly my major malfunction is?  What's wrong?  I'll tell you:

The problem I have is that I don't care.  I don't care what religion you practice.  I don't care about the color of your skin.  I don't care if you're gay, straight, bisexual, or anything else in the wide spectrum of sexuality.  I just don't care.  I love people for who they are.  I don't hate on them for their spiritual or political beliefs, and I especially don't hate on them for things that are beyond their control.

But what gets me is that my family--my loving, caring, wonderful family--refuses to accept the fact that I AM DIFFERENT.

I'm not a Catholic like the rest of them.  In fact, I just straight up don't believe in a god, or any "higher power" for that matter.  It just doesn't make sense to me, so I reject religion and most spiritual practices.

But that's not good enough for my family.  We were all raised Catholic, so I know what they believe in.  I know about their values.  I just don't understand how those values can disappear so easily.

"Love your neighbor as yourself." we were taught.

I'm more than your neighbor.  I'm your sister, your daughter, your granddaughter.  I love you, no matter what you believe in.  I'm not going to argue against your faith.  So why can't you love me?  Just love me for who I am despite what I may or may not believe in?

Why can't you accept that I don't need your faith to feel complete?  I don't need your religion to make me happy.

I fully understand that people need their faith.  I believe that everyone has the freedom to practice whatever religion they want.  Believe what you want to believe!  If it makes you happy, makes you feel fulfillment, makes you feel complete, that's great!  Good for you!  I mean it!

People should only do the things that make them happy!  Your religion makes you happy, and that makes me happy for you.

But I don't want you to shove your beliefs down my damn throat.

I know what you're doing mom.  You want us as a family to be closer together.  You want to pull us together, and you're using the Catholic faith to help accomplish that.

But it isn't working!  Can't you see what you're doing to me?  The more you force it on me, the further away from you I want to be.  You think you're pulling, but you're pushing me and pushing me further away.  You say these things to me.  You argue against me with absolutely no evidence to back you up.  You don't understand how my brain works.  You don't know what I'm thinking.

When I say, "I don't believe in a god," it makes no sense for you to reply, "Yes you do."

When I say I'm not a Catholic, it bothers me to hear you say, "Once a Catholic, always a Catholic."

I've told you that I don't want any part of it anymore.  I'm tired of it.  It shouldn't be this big of a problem.  Things would be so much easier if everyone could just let me believe--or not believe--in whatever I want.

I just want to be happy.