This is important.

I need paper and pen, but I need it to be safe. A diary with a lock is hard to find, but without it what am I supposed to do? I can feel my creative spirit slowly dying. I need to touch paper, and use real ink for once. I need it to be real. I need to be able to say the things that I want everyone to know, just in case I die someday and I don't get the chance to tell them.

i honestly didn't think

that I would feel this bad.

I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but I feel so played. I feel like I should tell him.

I miss him. He was never mine, but I want him back.

cheating at Half-Life 2

Is fun; especially when you're lonely and you want to kill yourself.

give weapon_smg1

:P

i suppose

I'll feel real good about myself, when I look back on this in a couple of years.

i sometimes enjoy doing stupid things.

Especially when it involves a boy I have no chance with. But for a different reason this time.

He's not drop-dead gorgeous. He isn't six feet tall, nor does he have amazing abs. He isn't in a totally different social circle. He's not too many years older than me.

No, he is a good person, and a nice, friendly guy. I really like him... I really, really care about him. As lame as it seems, he is considering me as a potential romantic interest.

But here's why I have (almost) no chance.

He is a Christian. He loves god more than anything. He is pretty conservative.

I am "atheist." I will never believe in a god. I am pretty liberal.

It's a difficult place to be for him, he claims. Maybe he really does like me? Religion always gets in the way. I guess I won't know for a while. Or maybe I'll never know.

It's strange, but I like it.

Don't be scared...