i feel angry

I had a strange dream last night. When I woke up, I didn't remember any of it, but it's starting to come back to me now. ...It's making me upset. There is a girl I know in real life. She's not a bad person. She's pretty friendly, and she's nice most of the time. I don't hate her. I have almost no opinion of this girl, except for the judge of character that I have just provided.

But in my dream I hated her. She did one thing to make me angry, and I lashed out. I yelled, I cursed, I tried to attack. I could feel my arms shaking.

But it was only a dream.

Why do I dream these things? It's almost as if my body (or my mind) is trying to tell me something. If so, I know exactly what I'm being told. It's my anger... Most people know me as someone who is calm and quiet, but they don't know who I am inside. I get angry so easily, and at the smallest, stupidest things. And when I get angry, I want to hurt someone. I have to sit very still, and try to think of something--anything--that will calm me down. My hands shake, my ears get hot...

My father once described feeling very angry. His anger reminded me of how I feel when I am angry. He called it "Quiet Rage."

I'm afraid of my quiet rage. I know why I feel it. I feel it because I hold in all of the anger I feel until it's safe to let it out. I'm afraid that someday I won't be able to hold in my anger anymore, and I'll explode.

I should buy a punching bag.